Motherhood is so tough. We face scrutiny from online communities, other moms, our families and worst of all ourselves. Even the best and most organized moms fail. It is going to happen, but when it does happen the trick is to learn from it and keep on going. Here is how to get through the bad days when you have a mom fail. Most of all, remember that one bad moment or day does not mean you are a failure as a mom.
Look For Alternatives and Compromise
Some of the moments when we have mom fails are out of our control. For example, we found out at the last minute our daughter had a sing a long performance at school last week. Of course it was at the exact same time as our son’s preschool performance. There was no way we could be in two places at once. Even thought I knew my daughter’s performance would happen every year I still felt bad. Especially when she got upset that I was going to my son’s performance.
We solved the problem by splitting up. My husband went to her performance and I went to my son’s. I also told her I would for sure go to her performance the following year when both of the kids would be at the same school. I felt like a mom failure, but my daughter was just fine with the solution we came up with. Always look for alternatives or compromise when you can. You will not be able to be there for everything for your kids, but they know when you are trying your best to be there.
Have a backup plan
Sometimes the best way to survive a mom fail is to create a back up plan. Earlier this week I completely forgot to have the tooth fairy show up. When my daughter walked downstairs almost in tears after she found the tooth fairy didn’t come, I almost broke down myself. I felt just terrible.
After telling my daughter that there was probably a very good explanation for the tooth fairy not coming. I knew I had to figure out how to make it right. So that night I set a timer, typed up a note from the tooth fairy apologizing for the delay with an explanation. I also had the tooth fairy deliver two coins instead of one. My daughter was thrilled the next morning and my epic fail was forgotten. I think the one person who felt the worst about it was me. Don’t be afraid to create an alternative plan if your original plan fails. Kids are resilient and they recover from our fails much faster than we often do.
Know When To Say You’re Sorry
The biggest mom fails are not when we cannot be there for our kids or we forget something important. It’s when we fail our kids by losing our temper with them or yelling more than necessary. We all hate to admit it, but it happens to even the best of us. I had this happen a few days ago. My kids and I were baking and my son knocked over some items and made a big mess. It was bad timing because we had to be somewhere shortly after. I lost my temper and yelled at him. During the moment I was upset with him, but a short while later I was much more upset at myself.
I knew I had to fix it. So I tried to set a better example for him. Even though he is young I apologized to my son and I told him how sorry I was. I told him that I shouldn’t have yelled at him and that mommy needed to do better. I think during our worst moments we need to show our kids that we are human and when it is time to apologize we should do it. They will appreciate it and it will teach them how to show forgiveness.
Ask for Help
One of the best ways to get through a mom fail is to ask for help. Ask your spouse for help, ask your parents or relatives, ask a friend or even ask your kids for help. Moms cannot do everything. You don’t have to go it alone. Maybe you can’t be in two places at once and you need to ask a friend to give your kid a ride. Maybe you need help picking up the house before company arrives so ask your kids to help you. Maybe you just need an hour or two to yourself to decompress and take care of yourself. So ask your spouse, a family member or friends to take your kids for an hour or two.
No mom is perfect and we all fail our kids despite our best intentions. The best thing we can do is work through it using one of these solutions and continue on. In the end, your kids love you despite your flaws, just as you love them.